Weplay Moms

I grew up in Tekamah Nebraska, a small town not far from Omaha. From the time I knew what they were, I wanted a horse. Every week after Sunday school my grandfather would drive me around the adjacent farms, just so I could catch a glimpse of the horses in the pasture. And many Sunday afternoons my mother would take me to a farm where children could ride the ponies in their fields. I was in effect, horse crazy! I couldn’t get enough of them.

RELATED STORIES

• Weplay Podcasts: Sports Psychologist Anthony Ross Talks Self-Esteem by Dr. Patrick Cohn & Lisa Cohn
• Weplay Podcasts: How One Mom Dealt With A Bullying Coach by Dr. Patrick Cohn & Lisa Cohn
• Weplay Podcasts: Lisa Cohn And Nancy Peter Talk Sports Parenting by Dr. Patrick Cohn & Lisa Cohn
• See more articles by Barbara Hopewell

I begged for a horse every chance I got. Finally when I was 12-years-old, my parents gave in—or gave up—and got me a horse. His name was Godfrey - after Arthur Godfrey for any of you who might remember him. I was in heaven! I immediately got involved with the local 4-H and Saddle Club. In no time I was showing my horse.

Soon enough, I outgrew Godfrey. I found myself “trading up” a few times, until I ended up with Scamper—a palomino quarter horse. He was the best horse ever. Everyday after school, I would walk a mile to Scamper’s barn. I spent even more time with him in during the summer months. Essentially, taking care of Scamper was utter bliss to me.

When I wasn’t on my horse or caring for my horse in some way during the summertime, I was at our local pool. I remember watching the Olympics during the summer and swimming was always one of my favorite sports. Eventually I started life guarding and teaching swimming lessons. I adored the water, but don’t be fooled, horses were still my first love.

Later in life, as I had children, I knew I wanted my kids to find their own passions and interests. First and foremost, I knew my kids would need to learn how to swim. At this point, we lived in California and nearly everyone had pool, included us. Safety was my number one concern. Secretly, however, I hoped that my daughter would love horses as much as I did.

Almost as soon as Summer could walk, I signed her up for riding lessons. I would take her to the barn where I boarded my horse and watch proudly as she would trot around the ring on a little pony. Riding seemed a bit difficult for her and she would frequently dose off while riding. Don’t worry she was strapped in the saddle – she never fell off.

Summer never complaint about her riding lessons. I even entered her in a small horse show, where she earned a second place ribbon in the Lead Line Class. I was so proud of her accomplishment and ribbon. And though she was quit proud as well, she never begged to go visit the horses and spend time in the barn. She also never asked if she could have her own horse.

I began to notice that Summer wasn’t crazy about horses the way I remembered being. Eventually we abandoned ridding lessons altogether. I realized that although Summer enjoyed horses, they were not her passion. My daughter had her own interests.

This was my first important lesson. “You can lead the horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.” Just because you love something almost more than life itself, it does not mean that any of your children will. This is something many parents must learn to accept. Children need to develop their own identities and we as parents, cannot live vicariously through them.

When our kids happen to love the hobbies and sports we do, that’s a bonus! But it is my belief that all kids should be allowed to develop their own interests with parental encouragement. Nowadays there are so many more activities and sports leagues to choose from. Many more than when I grew up back in Nebraska. Even more than when Summer and her brother Trevor were growing up in northern California.

With so many options, take the time to encourage your child to find their true love—the thing that gives them the feeling of “utter bliss.”