I’ve had three shots at high school sports – as athlete (a pretty long time ago!), sports parent, and coach. Each time I felt unprepared to successfully negotiate a dizzying experience that felt so important.
Because high school sports has huge symbolic meaning in our society, and because it roosts in our memory for a lifetime, there is often regret.
That regret – “I could have done so much better with high school sports if only I had known more” – powers much of my work with Positive Coaching Alliance, and in particular, my book The High School Sports Parent.
It’s said that we need to learn from our mistakes, but wouldn’t it be great sometimes to learn from someone else’s mistakes!
The experience of many parents, coaches, athletic directors, and athletes who are all part of the PCA Movement informs this book. This deep pool of experience provides a framework and powerful practical tools you can use to help your teen thrive in high school sports.
So you won’t have to repeat the mistakes we made.
This is all part of achieving the mission of Positive Coaching Alliance to transform youth sports so sports can transform youth. PCA’s goal is to change the culture of youth sports so every:
- Coach is a Double-Goal Coach® who prepares athletes to win and teaches life lessons through sports
- Athlete aspires to be a Triple-Impact Competitor™ who makes self, teammates, and the game better
- Sports parent becomes a Second-Goal Parent™ who concentrates on their children’s character development while letting athletes and coaches focus on the first goal of winning on the scoreboard
The Big Picture and You
This book describes a model of sports parenting that focuses relentlessly on the Big Picture. We call it the Second-Goal Parent.
There are two broad goals in high school sports: striving to win and building character so young people develop into successful, contributing members of society.
As important as winning is, Second-Goal Parents let coaches and athletes worry about the first goal of scoreboard results. Second-Goal Parents have a much more important role to play: ensuring their sons and daughters take away from sports lessons that will help them be successful in life. Remember, that is the Big Picture. And attending to this is much more vital than being an extraneous back-seat coach.
Of course there is nothing wrong with caring about whether your kid’s team wins or loses. Go ahead and care about it! But the lifelong impact you can have – that no one else can in quite the way you can – is on the life lessons your son or daughter takes away from the high school sports experience. No one can be there for your athlete in this way better than you. No one.
If you embrace your role as a Second-Goal Parent, it will transform the way you see high school sports. It will help you act to seize the teachable moments that will come your way again and again because you are looking for them.
What might have seemed like a disappointing loss or a failure by your son or daughter becomes an opportunity to reinforce resiliency.
A tough competition in forbiddingly hot, cold, or nasty weather can prompt a conversation with your teen about learning to enjoy challenges. Whether your athlete succeeds or fails on the playing field, you will be able to use the experiences to reinforce the kind of person you want him or her to be.
Real Moms, Real Kids
This Week's Webisode
In this episode of Become we meet Paula. A single mom with 4 kids, Paula manages to hold down multiple jobs and be there for her kids every step of the way. Whether it's her support in sports or in schoolwork, she knows putting in time with her kids is her number one priority and she wouldn't have it any other way.
As long as he does something that’s from the heart that will make him happy, I’ll be good.
— Yolanda Bunn
Featured Authors
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Janis Meredith
Sports Parenting Writer
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Kirk Mango
Becoming a True Champion Columnist
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Dr. JoAnn Dahlkoetter
Performing Edge Coach & Psychologist
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Jim,
It amazes me, as I read through your material and the goals of PCA, how similar you and I are regarding the impetus behind "why" we write.
"If only we could teach them what we know now......how much better off they would be."