Hi Sarah,

This is a typical reaction from an inexperience travel coach...I am not surprised of her responce to your concern.

Having 35+ years coaching and training youth soccer players....your concern is legitimate....My recommendation would be to approach the coach and ask her the folowing:

a) What's the clubs rule on Travel playing time ?... in most cases the standard rule is that a travel player must play 25% of the total season....this does not mean every game. If this is applicable - what this is saying is that a travel player may not play every game..but there should be some consideration from the coach as to allowing your son to play at some point during the game, even if it is just for 5-10 minutes....on the other hand, If this was a State Cup game....the coach has the right to keep the strongest and most skilled players on the field. NOT..knowing your son's skill level, I cannot comment where he is in relation to the other players on the team.

b) Ask the coach...what skills is your son LACKING! and what can he do to improve.

e) If this situation does not improve....it's time to look at what other options your son may have.

In closing I am hopping that the coach is honest with you and more importantly....that your son does not loose interest in Soccer. Please let me know how it works out.

Yours in Soccer,

Coach Bob :-)

c)

Get a new coach or put him on a new team! This coach has shown a complete absence of heart! What a jerk! I know the type, they think winning is about them! You can hide a player on the pitch for a few minutes, even if they are completely left-footed! Wow! Your son is going to quit anyway if treated like this, the damage that coach is doing to your son will stay with him a long time! Get him out of that situation now, today! If you have some power in your community and with your soccer organization, try to get this person, they are NOT a coach, removed! They will be mean and passive-aggressive if you try to usurp their authority, your son will suffer. Be careful but get going, fix this before any more psychic damage is done!

CoachZ
coachz@ultimatesoccertraining.com

Well! Someone didn't like my answer! Probably the coach! Ha! I posted this line on facebook and the response was 100% approval! You have to remember that a U12 player is 11 years old! That's a little boy! He is just entering puberty. His self-esteem and self-confidence are being shaped and his self-perception linked to the approval of others, particularly a coach or the friends on the team he can no longer faced because he is "riding the pines." You may be the most supportive parent in the world but at that age outside forces are crucial to a child's self-perception. That's why peer pressure is so very key and everyone recognizes it as a central component in behavior.

I have coached athletes of every kind, from professional football players to ODP level soccer players making regional teams and national pools, here and in Canada! I have worked with female athletes who went on to play on national championship division one basketball teams, male athletes who have played for national championship football teams, also DI, and I have trained 12 year old boys and girls just trying to "get better." I have witnessed the damage "bone-headed, self-centered"coaches can do. I have spent months, and in one case two years, getting a child to believe in himself again after such an incident.

I have coached soccer teams that went from being the bad news bears at 0-8, with exactly two players who had ever played the game before (my daughters), to a team that dominated their division the next season 8-0, not the next year, the very next season, and went on to play in the top division out of eight divisions the very next year, going 6-2! So, I have coached every level and virtually every sport. I have trained the games and I have trained the athletes preparing for the games, as a strength and fitness coach. I have NEVER sat a child the entire match! And let me tell you, there were matches I wanted to win as bad as the kids did, but they never knew that and it is a team sport, everyone plays!

Finally, I have witnessed this sort of thing on other teams and do you know what? The other players, the ones who played, get angry with the coach for doing that to one of their friends and teammates! Additionally, if the coach were smart enough to know kids, he or she would have sat down with the kids, in a team meeting, and asked them this very simple question: "If you have a choice between winning a game (match) and everyone playing, which would you prefer?" In EVERY instance when and where I have asked that question, I have received one response in unison: "Play everyone!"

Thats says it all! The kids get it, even if we adults do not!

So, I reiterate my point...find him a new team or make a formal complaint and the watch the coach carefully, because someone insensitive enough to ride an 11 year old boy on the bench the entire match is not beneath taking any action YOU take out on the child.

Harsh words? Yes! Do I care that someone didn't like my answer? Not in the least. I care about your child, I hope you do something before he quits organized athletics altogether! I've know many who have, and it is a shame.

CoachZ
coachz@ultimatesoccertraining.com

Hello Sarah,

You have received some good feedback already - I will just throw in my two cents briefly from a different perspective.

You have every reason to be torn - your son has been treated unfairly and you deserve a better explanation from the coach. I am not sure if the travel team is coached by a professional or by a parent volunteer. Each of these cases would be treated differently - in my opinion.

I have a few suggestions (my opinion):
1) Always allow 24 - 48 hours before approaching a coach with a concern - sometimes confronting a coach in the heat of the moment is not beneficial to either party. Think it over and if it still warrants a discussion - arrange a time to chat with the coach.
2) Ask for details - what should your son improve on? where does the coach think he can use some additional development? (my guess is at 11 he should have a good set of core soccer skills and should be refining them daily)
3) Identify a pattern - was it this one game or does your son not play often? Then you need to determine if he is playing at the appropriate level. Sometimes players are forced to play in an unhealthy environment because their are no options.

Again - these are simple comments but important ones. Being a coach - I know that there are always reasons for our actions. Some are justified and others are not. If this is a parent volunteer coaching in their first season - I would question the travel association's policy on appointing coaches and ask what are they providing in terms of coach education and support. Many coaches are not fortunate to have experience in the game of soccer and can only rely on their own personal experience with sports - good or bad.

Parent volunteers are so important to the sport because they volunteer their time to help the kids and usually are criticize for something. (playing time, style of play, losing, etc)

Sorry to ramble - but I think your situation can be seen in a number of ways - On one side - it is a character development opportunity for your son - life is not always going to be fair and this is a good chance to help him persevere
- On the other - we need to get Ryan into a learning environment that is FUN and competitive that focuses on development.

If you have a PRO COACH - this behavior is unacceptable as the coach should know better and understand the damage that can result from her actions. I would notify the league and look to resolve the situation immediately.

Thats it for now - Best of luck and please do let us know how it turn out.

Coach John
Enjoy the great game!

u should tell the coach that ur son wants to sit out 4 a game. he will totally understand. if he dosnt then hes a big meanie head. be sure to take my advice!

I think you have received some very good advice so far, but if I could add advice on what my son did to improve. We have a myriad of soft indoor soocer balls (that won't hurt frniture) and regular balls that he plays with outside. When bored or on the phone or between answering emails, my son dribbles or practices moves. This was his idea (planted by a clinic intructor when he was young)and it has helped, as he is now a high shool starter. We also played in the yard where he can now "win" regularly. Encourage your son and his friends to play pickup soccer games as this is also a form of practice. As a coach (rec before, travel now) I believe that every kid should get into every game for some playing time because every touch on the ball is an improvement. As a rec coach we lost alot of games because our rule was to play everyone at least half a game, but some of those kids now play on my son's high school team or on other high school teams in the area. I agree with the approach of asking the coach what your son can do to improve, then ask if this will improve his playing time. Have your son ask this question also.Hopefully this will send a message to the coach. The other coaches on this page gave you some good advice. Good luck.

We had the same problem with our daughter and one her coaches. She has been playing since she was 4 and her 1st yr in competitive she played both half of the games but then the coach brought on the team a player that was a daughter of his friend and the 2nd yr, that coach played only his favorite players, he even hardly played his daughter nor the coaches daughter as well as my daughter. My daughter was torn, it isnt that she didnt know how to play, She does have talent and wants to go PRO. We finsihed the season with him but changed her totally to another soccer clulb. The U11 coaches and trainer couldnt believe what happened to her. It was the old coaches lost because my daughter has been able to play every position now and is happy.
Support your son and tell him never to give up his vision on playing soccer or anything else just because someone blows him off. Good things happen to Good people. What comes around goes around.
Now this coach is starting to coach where we are at right now and tells us how he misses our daughter. (Oh well).
There are far more better coaches out there. Check out to see if your son can change to another team or play up instead
Good Luck

I am a girl that plays U12 and I have some friends that always sit out because they act up and goof around. So what I would do is go up to the coach and ask him why he is sitting your son out on the bench.
??????????

I play soccer on a select travel team and my dad helps coach... the head coach sometimes forgets about subs because he is so caught up in the game. Also if the player is late or skips pracitce (s) he doesn't play them as much. If the player has bad practice habbits the coach won't play them either. If your son was good enough to make the team he can't be that bad. If i was you i would kindly ask the coach if he knows why your sone doesn't play

tell the coach that he better be put in the game. he's part of the team!!! he shows up for the practices... and i know that sometimes i'd rather not go to practice and hangout with my friends instead. But i still go and im part of the team. if i sat out for a game i would be REALLY mad! so tell the coach that he puts effort towards the team and deserves to play. and plus if he doesnt play he wont get any better on improving his skills! :]]]]]

I had this problem with a coach, and I (as a player) approached him and questioned his reasons for doing so. He was very honest, and only being a kid he could in no way lie to me. He helped me improve as a player in places where I was lacked, and I started to see more time on the feild.

Sometimes all it takes is no you as a parent, but as a player to approach the coach.

transfer him to a new team.